10 Signs You’re Not in the Best Shape of Your Life

• 10. When you look down in the shower all you see is belly and the tip of your second toe.
• 9. You have a 0% chance of putting on your shoes without sitting in a chair.
• 8. You pull a hamstring going to get the mail.
• 7. You're legs rub together so much you're not allowed to enter California for fear of starting fires.
• 6. You have the only pair of D-cups that I don't care to see.
• 5. You contemplate hopping in one of those scooters every time you walk through the doors at Wal-Mart.
• 4. Your idea of a "long run" is when the local gas station is out of cigarettes and you have to go across town to get a carton.
• 3. Your knees left a suicide note on the bathroom counter.
• 2. When you go over to your aunt's house and sit on her cushioned toilet seat it sounds like a truck just let out its air brakes.
• 1. You were passed at your last 5K by the 7 year old kid picking up the cones at the end of the race.